Do you ever think back to time when you were at your thinnest and think how the hell did I do that? What was I thinking at that time?  Did I truly appreciate it?  Why did I not take my thin self off to Ibiza and work a season in nothing but a bikini?  Infact, why didn’t I dare to bare more back home, happy for once in your own skin…

Hindsight is always a bitch and such is the case when you look back at pictures of a thinner you. And if you are anything like me, you will have thought you were still overweight at the time and so you never truly appreciated how well you had done with the weight loss in the first place.

Soul searching for self-esteem

Lee is convinced I have the workings of Body Dismorphia to an extent (this being down to the fact that at my absolute thinnest I was still obsessed with my weight especially my thighs, which was all I could focus on when looking in the mirror naked).  He gets sick to the back teeth of me always talking about my weight and how I am unhappy and hate so many things about myself.

According to NHS stats, at least one in 100 people in the UK suffer from Body Dismorphia and it comes from having very low self-esteem, which is something I suffered growing up (through no fault of anyone but my own).  When I was younger, I always hated my figure – choosing to always wear items of clothing that hid my thighs and my barely there chest.  Having a size 12 figure and being 5ft2, I seemed to carry weight everywhere except my A cup boobs (which had no shape and were completely disproportionate to my body).

This ultimately got me down so much, that I saved all of my part-time Tesco wages and birthday money for a good few years to pay for breast augmentation surgery when I was 22 and if I am being honest, it is one of the best things I have ever done.  It not only gave my boobs a boost, but my self-esteem too.

However, having been so critical and unhappy with myself up until that point (and then after, the weight battle never stopped), I think these hateful thoughts have almost scarred my mentality when it comes to my appearance now and I still find it very hard to look in the mirror and be overly happy about anything.

But I completely digress.  Thinking about dieting all the time seems to be encouraging a touch of soul searching and so it’s time to put the symphony orchestra away, you are here to read how the diet is going!!!

Achievements to Date

So I have been at the Herbalife for over two weeks and if my past journey (circa Jan 2014) was anything to go by, I should be at the minus five pound mark.  However as of last Friday, I had only lost…(drumroll)… two pounds – yeehhaaa…

Failings to date

What’s more, since my last weigh in, I have to admit to going on what was nothing short of a weekend bender.  It my was brother and his wife’s wedding reception back in the UK on Friday night and then one of my best friend’s hen do’s on the Sat into the Sunday, where the amount of booze consumed was really rather unbelievable. Needless to say I was sick as a dog all day on Sunday, but rather than embracing a day which was light on the calories, I still managed to shove an Indian down my gub followed by ice-cream in the evening when the hangover had subsided.

This leads me onto Monday, when it was my dad’s birthday so it was a chippy and cake in the evening and then to Tuesday when I felt too weak for a shake on lunch, so had a big carbaliscious sandwich and then came swiftly home to a steak pie dinner followed by a cupcake and ice-cream and today it was Haggis (not my dog) neeps and tatties for dinner (I should mentioned with lots of butter in the mash) and as I type I am craving something sugary…this week’s diet mantra clearly being ‘well I’ve f*ck*d it now, so what else is there for eating…’

So Friday’s weigh in is sure to be nothing short of entertaining, and I will be sure to keep you updated. x

P.S. I have received about 20 emails from ladies in the same boat, striving to lose weight on the Herbalife!  Please do not use me as a positive case study as yet, I have made a solemn promise to myself to stick to it as of Monday, but having had past success with the diet, I am still good for tips…promise 😉 x